Struggle Within



Life. How is my life – it is a struggle. I find myself feeling ran into the dirt weekly. I usually shrug my shoulders and say ” Hey, its just one more time!” I forget I have such support. I feel alone a lot. I also suffer from tunnel vision.

I am learning to reach out and become more active in my Christian life. How? I talk a lot. I am a chatter box.
I know God is always there with an open ear. I have felt so close to Him. The more I want to study about how He is ( I will never fully know) but I know His mercy is given everyday.

I have been looking into myself and digging up some pretty nasty buried situations I had in the past. I have to pull layer after layer of hurt and self abuse. I did so much in my past I am actually ashamed. I was so broken. I think I bring a lot of pain on myself.

I feel so ashamed now. I see so many people that are going through times that I can’t begin to know how they handle it. I sometimes feel my prayers are so minor. I feel like they are not important enough. I have some tragic moments but I get through them. How can I ask God for something so minor like let my food come out good so my family will like it.

How important I? I mean really. I want to feel close to God. Sometimes I feel like I have a fog in my mind and I can’t absorb anything. I guess that is a good prayer right there. Please God, let me unplug this blockage I have in front of my heart.

I think the best action I need to take is not to get discourage.


Psalm 31 : 9 –

Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am distressed. My sight is blurred because of my tears. My body and soul are wasting away. I am dying of grief. My years are shorten by sadness. Misery has drained my strength. “

Psalm 31 : 14

But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying “You are my God” My future is in your hands, Rescue me from those who hunt me down me relentlessly. Let your favor shine on your servant. In your unfailing love, save me. Don’t let me be disgraced, O Lord, for I cry out for you for help. Let the wickness be disgraced, O Lord, for I cry out for help.

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